Maria E. Bellini
This piece was originally published in Mslexia, the magazine for women who write, mslexia.co.uk
Carmela, wife of Don Vito Corleone
Buongiorno God.
I hope You and all Your family are good.
Today God, I’m not gonna pray for my husband. Ok? The Vito-prayers occupy too big a slice of my time with You. And they become like overcooked pasta. A sticky shapeless mess. With no gusto. So today Vito-prayer diet. Va bene Dio?
We start with thanks. Ok?
Dear God… Padre omnipotente, I wanna thank You for little Sonny’s eccellente grades. I know he never even opened the book before the exam. So I am grateful for Your intervention even more.
I also wanna thank You for making the tomato sauce day a very big success. This year the tomatoes were so beautiful, so fat and so red. We made nearly four hundred bottles. Grazie.
Because of this, God, I make You a promise. I make presents of at least one hundred bottles. Twenty-five I give to Father Russo, twenty-five to the nuns and fifty I give to my poorest neighbours.
But I’m sorry God… I refuse to give any bottles to Signora Berta. Niente. You wanna know why? I look out of the window and see her in the street… and she push her breasts right under Vito’s nose. This is not nice! So please God, as a personal favour to me, I ask You to not tempt my husband like this. And maybe You can point Signora Berta’s breasts in another direction.
And God, for my husband’s benefit, I ask You to keep my hair as black as coal for a long, long time. To preserve all my teeth. And my waist.
You see, Vito is a good man, but he is not a saint. Yet. That’s why I pray to You. Give me time…
I also ask, with humility, for some help with the vermin. Eh sì. We have a rat problem in the building.
They are everywhere.
In the evening they run around under the table while we eat. At night they sleep in Sonny’s shoes. We put traps. But they are quick. They eat cheese and run. And this is my best cheese, Provola from Sicily!
So maybe you can make the rats run not so fast?
Then if one or two were to accidentality fall into my meat sauce, maybe I could give that to the Signora Berta. After all – I still like to be a generous neighbour.
Grazie God.
Amen.